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Среда, 22 Ноя 2017

Why It's Good to be a Man

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  • Your last name stays put.
  • The garage is all yours.
  • You don't have to shave below your neck.
  • Wedding plans take care of themselves.
  • Chocolate is just another snack.
  • You can be president (of where you're born).
  • You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
  • Car mechanics tell you the truth.
  • You don't give a rat's ass if someone doesn't notice your new haircut.
  • You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky looking.
  • Same work ... more pay.
  • Wrinkles add character.
  • You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
  • Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
  • People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
  • The occasional well-rendered belch (from either end) is practically expected.
  • New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
  • Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
  • You know stuff about tanks.
  • A five-day vacation requires only one small wheely-bag.
  • You can open all your own jars.
  • You can leave the motel bed unmade.
  • You can kill your own food.
  • You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
  • Your underwear is $6.95 for a three-pack.
  • If you are 34 and single, nobody notices or cares.
  • Everything on your face stays its original color.
  • You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
  • Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
  • You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
  • You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without anyone thinking, "He must be mad at me."
  • You don't mooch off other's desserts.
  • You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
  • You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
  • You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
  • Your powerful belly usually hides your big hips.
  • One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
  • You can "do" your nails with a pocket-knife or your teeth.
  • You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
  • Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

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