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Четверг, 25 Май 2017

English-Irish-Scottish jokes

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What do you call an Irish seven course meal?

        A potato and a six-pack.

 


One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub

together.  The proceeded to each buy a pint of Guinness.  Just as they

were about to enjoy their creamy beverage three flies landed in each

of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head.

The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the offending fly out of his beer and continued

drinking it as if nothing had happened.

The Irishman too , picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over

the beer and then started yelling "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU

BASTARD!!!!"


This one relies on accents so you will have to read it aloud

There is an Unemployed Irishman and an Upper class Englishman

(to get his accent try speaking through your nose)

The Irishman is going from door to door in a posh neighbourhood

 

I: Excuse me sir but could you spare me the price of a cup of

tea?

 

E: I am sorry my man but I don't belive in free handouts. However

I tell you what if you paint the porch for me I'll give you five pounds

 

The Irishman agrees and the Englishman gives him a pot of green paint

 

E: I'll be round the back if you need me

 

A while later the Irish man goes to find the Englishman having finished

the job

 

E:(As he hands over the 5 pounds) I trust you made a good job of it

 

I: Sure I did, just one thing it wasn't a Porsch it was a Rolls

 


There's an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman.  They're being chased

by a policeman.  They see this old warehouse so they run in.  Inside

there are 3 empty sacks on the floor.  They each jump in a sack.  In

comes the copper and see's these three bundles on the floor.  Goes up to

the first one and kicks it.  The English man shout out, "Woof Woof", and

the copper thinking it's just an old dog leaves it and kicks the second

sack.  The Scotsman yells out, "Me-ow me-ow", he leaves this one as well

thinking its just an old cat.  He walks over to the last sack and kicks

it, and the Irish man yells out.. "Potatoes Potatoes..!"

 


A bus full of old Irish men and women was driving on a highway in Germany.

Suddenly there was a panel with a big arrow and the word "AUSFAHRT".

Fifty kilometers away there was another panel with the same arrow and the

word "AUSFAHRT".

Fifty kilometers away there was another panel, the same one; and one of

the old travellers touched the elbow of his neighboor and said

"Well, it's must be a big town !"

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